Learn English. Get Married!

Yesterday, I was talking on skype with a friend half away around the world. He has a good paying job. After High School he left the college and opted for employment. He has been lucky to be employed. He is still not satisfied. He wants to learn English and complete his college.

I liked what he is trying to do. Not that he is returning to college, but fact that he wants to learn something. Learning is life long process and most of people stop learning after school. That's what he is trying to avoid. He wanted some help/suggestion from me since we came from similar background.

We went to Government/Public School. I used to be considered as brightest student in school (Don't believe me :P). But fact was that I was barely able to read even English newspaper. That was worse than imagined. I felt defeated. Then, my only mission at that time was to improve English. Later, I became member of a public library, and within six months I was able to read National Geographic, Charles Dickens and Isaac Asimov and actually made sense out of those great writings.

Enough. I am not going to write my whole biography. Let's move ahead.

So, why should we learn English?

1. To get married (very useful).
2. To put bread on your mouth every evening you come home (quite useful). None denies this fact. English is universal language. Internet and mobile devices will make it more popular, since translation and localization is still pain on ass. The use of English is only going to increase. And the local language you currently use will probably die within few decades. This is neither bad nor good. It's evolution. And if you ask me, evolution is good.
   
   Only politicians are against English language. Those are all parasites who have never learned to live on their own. They never understand the value of things that matters to people. One day they might say; not English, learn native language.
   Tell them: Fuck Off.

Well, you might be thinking that I made a joke on first point: one should learn English just to get married. It's not joke at all. It's reality. It's quiet reality in India. People in North speak Hindi, Tamil in South, Marathi and Gujarati in West, Nepali/Bengali in West. Heck, what if someone from New Delhi wants to marry and only matched partner he/she finds on SimplyMarry.com is from Chennai? Nothing works here, but English. The only way to say 'Will you marry me?' is in English. I don't know how to say it in Bengali, Gujarati and hundreds of other local shits languages.

Power of English, now we are quite aware. I gave following suggestions to my friend. This might be helpful to anyone who wants to improve English. And if someone comes to me and again asks how to learn English, I will just point to this post :) Don't think I wrote it for you, it's for me :P Here are my suggestions.

1. Watch English Movies/TV Channels/Documentaries/Music Videos. If you want to learn Hinglish, never miss Bollywood.
2. Listen to English songs. Try to understand the lyrics. That's real fun thing.
3. Read simple books first. Then, again read books. And again read read books.
4. Use facebook/twitter/Google. Turn off your local language support.
5. Speak. Make people laugh. And again make them laugh. When you make more mistakes, you learn more. There is no other way to improve speaking, just speak.
6. Only associate with people who speak English. All of your life, you were with people who never tried to break the comfort zone, now you break it. Follow people whose skills you want to steal.
7. Use Internet. I find resources on almost all the subjects/topics I am interested. This is brand new world created by technology. Google about the word, pronunciation, usage and everything.
8. Read blogs. Read all of the posts here :) Regularly visit the blogs of your interest. Write your own blog. Share with me. Share with others. That's another fun thing.

Are these points (mis)-useful? You are on your own risk!

Even Gods in India are Chinese

Yes, all Gods in India are in fact Chinese. You will quickly protest here. Don't do. Hindus have more Gods then we can ever count. And you know what, it's good. More Gods, more profits to crazy guys in China.

China has some interesting features which not a single country in World seems to snatch. They build cheap, sell cheap and earn big. Why? Though their products are cheap, they have big market; the whole world, thus big profit.

Recent most interesting trend is 'what's happening in India's Godsville'. While Pune and Mumbai is celebrating their biggest annual event Ganesh Festival, other cities also seems to have similar festivities going on. During these festivals, each family needs a God idol [An idol for each person if possible. Sounds like personal councilor :P]. That means Indians literally need hundreds of millions of Idols if not billions. They used to use idols of clay before Chinese knew about Indian Gods. Now news report says almost everyone uses Idols imported from China. The bigger demand, the bigger smile on those Chinese faces. They don't get tired. They are happy. They were always happy since 1980s. After all, they are creators of the Gods.

This is pretty interesting. Folks, now what I request to you is don't say you are saviour of your culture. Don't shout out loud about Hindutva. Don't even bother about 'Sodesi'. Don't believe on Mahatma Gandhi [wait a minute; at least on his economic principles. Everyone knows what hunger is and father exactly taught how not to be productive to be hungry]. If anyone still says Indian culture is such a static thing that never changes, you are fucked up. Yes...by those crazy Chinese.

Nothing to worry about though. India runs the machine around the World with it's software right? May be the banks where those Chinese keep their big chunk of profits is powered by your small tricky software. Even though Gods are now Chinese, blessing doesn't only belong to them. :) 

A cup of tea with 'Hindu Terrorist'

It rains daily in Pune(summer days). I love it. I need a cup of coffee to enjoy it. Yesterday, I was outside. It started to rain. Found a small café and went in. I ended up with tea. Not bad!

The tea shop owner was very frank. He talked about so many things. He also told me about different places in India where he had previously visited. He talked about North East, especially Darjeeling and Sikkim. I asked him why he went there?

'I am Hindu terrorist' he told and laughed like in hell.

Later he elaborated that he went there with bunch of Shiv Sena to attend a Ram Temple. I didn't ask more questions, because it really didn't matter to me. I paid for tea and left.

Later I could not forget his laughter for a while.  One thing remained in my mind;
Shiv Sena = Hindu Terrorists ?

New Policy: World's highest drinking age and how to deal with it

Maharashtra Government recently introduced new policy  on drinking age. Well, it was 21 as minimum age for drinking. Now they have raised age bar to 25, which is world's highest. Most of countries worldwide has policies in between 18-21.

I have been wondering about it for few days. I didn't understand what caused someone to introduce this policy. I am damn sure that the policy will make things worse, if it does anything at all. Anyone can make sense out of it. 

I went to recall some statistical fact. In Pune alone, there are around 80 millions people living. In India, more than 60% of population is under 25. That comes close to 48 millions who are under 25 in Pune alone. I think most of people start to drink from the age of 15. So, the total number of drinkers between age 15-25 is 19.2 millions (almost 20 millions). This figure must be just double in Mumbai. Now, total 15-25 aged drinkers is about 60 millions. About same numbers of youths must be living in rest of Maharashtra. Hello 100 millions bright young drinkers!

Now let's talk some of things related. Policy by default, is introduced to make things better (At least this is what policymakers think) But good intention is vague term. This policy will fail badly because it is not applicable. Drinking is rooted in human civilization. In fact it is one of thing which evolved with time. People drink simply because drinking is need as well as want.  Many scholars have done research about it and most of them agree that drinking is good for health. (Over addicted is obviously not good). Basic human needs evolve over the time. In stone age, human used stones to hunt and make fire to keep them warm. They didn't have other materials. Things changed. Now we have so many things that are essential. We can't live without them. I need vehicle to move, internet and mobile to communicate, verities of foods to eat and fancy apartment to live. None of our forefathers enjoyed the life I have. Same as that. Human used fruit juice as drink. Later they learned to make different drinks out of it. Now we have hundreds of drinks branded within our reach. This has been our need.  Let's put it this way; it has been our basic human need.  And it is basic want/need of 15-25 aged. This is most active age group, thus highest needs and wants. Simple as that.

So Government is trying to make our basic need illegal. I am damn sure that making it illegal won't stop men/women from their need/wants. Making brothels illegal had never stopped gentlemen to visit again and again. This hadn't happened in human history. They will drink. They will have fun same way they used to. But problem here will be that all of us are going to be forced 'criminal'. The policy will not stop ill things, but make it worse and we 'bright young'  will be dark criminal. Some officers must be silently partying somewhere. A new regulation means, a new way of milking money out of people. Even cops in street must be cheering. They had to check driving license, now they will just see someone's face and start to show 'Mahadev ka tin netra'.

There is another irony. People are given voting right at the age of 18. Basic assumption is that they are mature enough and they can take their own decision. The same person whom those 18+ voted, now thinks that 18+s can't decide on drinking. If that is true, 18+s didn't know who is the good, the bad and the idiot. The voted for last one.

I used word 'criminal' here. Don't worry. There is way out of it. 100 million 'bright young' can rule the world.  Here are some ways we can keep having fun, legally.

1. Drink at home. Freeze it, drink like hell. This will be no fun if you live with family. Otherwise, this is the best way to keep having fun. Most of people live off the family in this age I think or you can find a friend's house as well as company. That's your right to do whatever you want inside home right?
2. Want to visit bars? Make some ID cards which states your age above 25. Don't know applicability, but this can be tricky.
3. Avoid bar zones. Those places where there are so many bars and pubs. You know cops might be around. Instead, you can visit less popular places. If you happen to be in those bar zones, leave earlier than closing time.
4. Drive down to Goa/Karnataka. I have heard that Goa offers excellent drinking culture. Obviously this is not what Goa is recognized for,  but this can be most exciting thing to do. Karnataka is also no too far way.
5. Visit some Concan beaches, pack some drinks and enjoy! There are some of the best beaches, some are completely out of crowd. Best place to spend weekend. And it's not far from both Pune and Mumbai.

What else? Shoot out on comment section. Share if you have any other ideas? May be we will make things better over the time :)

PS:  I think if the country is young, it should believe on youths. India has badly realized that restrictions and regulations can do no good. In fact it makes things worse. This is single lesson the country learned since Independence to 1991. After that, India was freed partially, and it flew in the sky. Freedom is good thing, and it starts with an individual.

( I recommend an excellent article on Tehelka Magazine: Man Can't handle drink, at any age)

Wanted: Manipuri/Nepali/North Eastern spa girl!

Always I write because I think I know something that people might like or get interested even if they dislike what I have to say. This is the first time I am posting because I don't know.

Somehow  I don't understand why people want Manipuri/North Eastern/Nepali girl in spas. Do they have clean sexy hand that is too touchy and people are happy to pay the money they demand? Or is it just that they are readily available? If spa is in Pune, why not recruit whole bunch of girls from Pune as well as girls form outside? Why not recruit very diverse spa girls so that guests can get whoever they want? In Delhi, why not recruit all of above as well as girls from Punjab? You know they are beautiful.

I am asking these questions because I got phone call from a friend this morning. He needs a spa girl for medical purpose and he is looking for Manipuri/Nepali/North Eastern girl for the job. He desperately need to fill that vacancy, but he is not going to recruit anyone who doesn't belong to above tags. (Great news for those who belong , you have comparative advantage over others who don't belong to place where you belong.) I asked him why doesn't he get someone from Pune?  'No, we don't want them'  is what he said.

Later I talked with a friend about it. He said, because girls who belong to those tags are more liberal than others. But being liberal is damned thing in most of South Asia. This reminded me of IPL cheerleaders. Girls cheering on those 'cash rich' games were white South Africans. They must have made lots of money. More papers to spend on lipsticks or may be some French wines.

Well, the world today is very complex. It's becoming more liberal day by day. It has to be. I need to eat some Chinese food, wear Thailand made denims, and use US invented machines daily. I have to respect them, everyone of them just because I am also one of them.  Or let me put it this way; I can't live without Chinese food. Who will go out of home without Thai denims? Man, this US made laptop is so great.

Moral? Simple, I can't exist without all these things. Voluntary exchange and mutual interest is deeply interwoven.

To you Manipuri/North Eastern/Nepali girls; I respect you as much as I respect Chinese Chef/American inventor/Thai designer. May be someday spa will be integral part of my lifestyle and I won't be able to live without you. And you know you are ahead of so many South Asians. You are global citizen!

P.S. If you are interested, don't forget to contact me before the vacancy gets filled. You might actually get the job! :)